Understanding James
by Mwagner11
Summary: Lily has always hated James. But as she starts to fall for him, she finally understands why he loves her and most of all understands him.
1. I did what?

Lily looked out the window of the Hogwarts Express, gazing at the sunlit sky. Her gorgeous red hair was spilling down her shoulders and large green eyes were fixed on nature.

She looked down to read the note she had gotten that summer.

_Dear Lily,_

_I know that I haven't been very good to you these past years, but I've changed. Please give me another chance. _

_~James_

Lily sighed. The first time she had ever seen James Potter, she'd hated him. HATED HIM. He bullied people just for personal enjoyment and asked her out every five seconds. Yet this letter, had seemed so sweet and from the heart.

_"No Lily," she thought, "James Potter is a worthless arrogant toerag. Stop thinking about him! He's just trying to get you to fall for him!"_

At that moment, the compartment door slid open and the Marauders stepped in; Remus, Sirius, and the boy she hated most, James.

"Do you mind if we sit with you?" James asked.

Without any thought, Lily said "Alright" and turned her head to window.

_"WHAT AM I DOING? JUST LETTING THE MARAUDERS SIT WITH ME? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?" _she thought and quickly scooted next to Remus Lupin before James could sit next to her.

Surprisingly James didn't ask Remus to move and sat down casually across from her.

"Where's Peter?" Lily asked suddenly.

Sirius gave her an evil grin and pointed out of the compartment. "Out there."

Curious, Lily peeked out of the compartment and had to stifle a laugh.

Peter was covered in pie from head to foot, eyes covered by it also and wandering around the corridor his hands outstretched like a zombie.

James noticed her watching and grinned devilishly. "Peter decided to mess a little with us so we just taught him a lesson." Then his smile dropped and his face hardened. "I'm not sure we want to welcome him back."

Lily raised her eyebrow then turned back to the window. What could have Peter done to have the Marauders turn against him?


	2. Flashbacks

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP. Never will. Never have. And also any parts in bold are from Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix**

James couldn't help staring at Lily the entire train ride. She was so beautiful, perfect defined features, red hair and green eyes, and a fiery spirit. She looked over at him and he quickly looked away, staring at the compartment door. Once he was sure that Lily wasn't staring at him, he chanced a glance over his shoulder and sure enough she was staring out of the window again.

His mind drifted back to the first time he saw Lily.

. . . .

It was his first day at Hogwarts; bright and sunny as if to welcome the occasion. He had made friends with Sirius on Platform nine and three quarters that morning. James had readied his trolley and was about to push through when a boy plowed into him. He had greasy black hair, a hooked nose, and a menacing scowl.

James managed to regain his balance and faced his newly found best mate. "Well Sirius, I'm not surprised he ran into me; his hair's like a greasy black curtain." Sirius gave a bark like laugh and James chuckled heartily along with him.

It had felt good to laugh but he regretted it as soon as a musical voice called out "Sev! Wait up!"

He whirled around and his eyes fixed on a gorgeous red haired girl sprinting toward the boy who had just plowed him over.

She looked at James then back at the boy. "Come on, Sev, let's get on the train. I simply can't wait!"

James had had a crush on her instantly and pushed past "Sev" , elbowing him in the stomach. He held out his hand. "I'm James Potter, this is Sirius. Who're you?"

The girl hadn't taken his hand and instead said coolly "I'm sorry, _James_, but I don't believe in love at first sight," she retorted and took the boy's hand. "Come on Sev, let's hurry."

The greasy boy had nodded. "Come on, Lily," he agreed and they ran through the brick wall, James still staring stupidly after them.

Lily. Lily. Lily.

In their third year, Lily Evans was at the top of Potions and was rather popular by now. James chanced every moment to talk with her, during class periods, running into her at the Three Broomsticks. Then something marvelous happened. He became Seeker of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team. A surge of pride filled him. Now Lily would see him as more than an arrogant brat.

She and that kid (he had learned was Severus Snape) weren't as close as they usually were but still best friends.

When he won his first match, he stepped on his broom, heart full of pride.

But when he turned to Lily, she was wearing an expression of disgust and marched away. Things seemed hopeless.

In their fifth year, James realized that what he felt for Lily wasn't just a crush. It was love. He got up the courage to go up to her and ask her out. He hadn't expected her to agree instantly but he figured that she would at least have valued his bravery to do so. James was wrong. Lily instead shouted "How dare you, Potter!" and hurried to Charms.

James began to pull larger pranks and jinx Severus more often just to get Lily's attention or to make her laugh. It didn't work; only turned her against him even more.

She and Severus were still friends until one spirit crashing day.

It was almost the end of the year; James had asked Lily out at least seven times and she had either yelled at him or stiffly refused. Once she even tried to punch him in the face. It was lucky that he was quick or he would have been humiliated.

O.W.L exams had just ended and he, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were sitting next to a tree deep in thought. "**Look who it is Sirius. Snivellus.** **Perfect." **

We had stood up, used a spell to levitivate and flip him upside down. Lily had walked over and shouted "**Leave him alone!" **

I quickly responded "**I will if you go out with me, Evans."**

"How dare you?" she fumed. "I will never go out with you Potter, you **arrogant toerag!" **

Snape had suddenly interrupted. "**I don't need your help you filthy little Mudblood!" **

Lily had blinked and said coolly "**Fine, ****_Snivellus." _**

James had immediately roared "**Apologize to Evans!" **

But instead of warming up to him, Lily had said that he was no better than Snape. He felt as if his heart had broken in two. He hadn't asked her out since.

. . . .

"Oh my gosh, James!" Lily suddenly cried out. "The meeting! Quickly!"

James suddenly remembered that he was Head Boy and she Head Girl. They raced to the Prefect compartment. But it was empty.

He smirked. "Lily, I must say-" Then his mouth dropped open. "You called me James."

Horrified Lily quickly mumbled something, then turned to the door but James pulled her back.

"Please don't, Lily! Sirius will tease me for days for being early for the meeting!" That wasn't really the real reason he wanted to stay here. He just wanted to be alone with her.

She hesitantly stepped back and sat down, arms folded.

"Fine," she huffed. "Fine."


	3. Questions

Lily's POV

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HP**

**(A/N Hi awesome readers, I really appreciate feedback. Please review!)**

I sit as far away as I can from Potter but nevertheless I still catch him staring at me! Why? Why is he so obsessed with me? I'm tired of him whispering to Sirius whenever I enter the Great Hall, tired of him goggling at me during classes while I'm trying to concentrate. I HATE him. I HATE James Potter.

I can't believe I actually sat next to the Marauders. Willfully. It just isn't like me. Part of me is wondering if I'm sick.

Suddenly my stomach plummets. I remember that in Gryffindor Tower there is a secret door in both the 7th year girls and boys dormitories that leads to a smaller version of a common room where the Head Boy and Girl have to sleep. I HAVE TO PRACTICALLY LIVE WITH JAMES POTTER FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR!

I try to calm down as the prefects enter the room. I turn to them, welcome them, then start my Head speech. When I'm done I turn to Potter.

"Anything you would like to add, Po- James," I correct myself quickly thinking that while I'm around the prefects I need to call Potter by his first name.

He smirks at me, then turns to the prefects. "Just remember the passwords and set an example for the students." The prefects start to leave and soon Potter and I are alone again. I make a break for the door before Potter can stop me and burst into my compartment.

Sirius and Remus look up at me in surprise. "Are you alright?" Remus asks from his book and I nod.

Then suddenly something sparks in my head. I want to know why Potter is so desperately in love with me. Remus. Remus is the answer.

Remus and I were close friends during our first and second years until Potter and him hung out. Not as close as Sev, but close. Remus isn't like Potter and I'll admit I did have a crush on him in our third year.

I lean close to Remus and whisper "Can I talk to you?" Startled, he nods and looks at me. "Alone?" I whisper. "It's not what you think," I add hurriedly as he raises an eyebrow.

He turns to Sirius. "Padfoot old friend, I think Peter is finally getting the pie out of his face. Pity that Sticking Charm only lasted a few hours. Do you mind going out there and fixing that little problem? I would but I just reached the most exciting part of my book."

Sirius grins and nods, getting out of the compartment. Remus turns to me. "What is it, Lily?"

I take a deep breath. "Remus, why is Potter so desperately in love with me? I get that he thinks I'm popular and beautiful, but why? It sounds stupid but usually a crush only lasts at the most a year or two. Rejected love fades away eventually. I don't love him back, I hate him! So why? Why Remus?"

Remus sighs and looks at me. "Lily, to be honest with you, James has never told us. I agree with you it is rather different. I personally have a feeling that he might be hiding something."

I sigh. No answers there. As I see Sirius triumphantly coming back along with Potter I quickly ask "What did Peter do?"

"He riled us all up in different ways. I sworn to secrecy to not tell what he did to Sirius and mine's a little too embarrassing so I'll tell you James's. James caught him telling another boy that you were gorgeous. Sirius and I might welcome him back but I'll bet that James never will."


	4. Curious

Hello** :D Sorry I haven't updated for a while I've been working on other stories.**

**Here we go!**

**Disclaimer: IdonotownPJO**

James's POV

I walk to the Gryffindor Common Room excited that Lily is Head Girl. I'll find a way to get to her. I love her beyond any love I've had for other girls. She's beautiful and smart and fiery.

I'll find a way to make her see that I'm more than a show off.

I will.

Right now I'm walking to the Gyrffindor Common Room. I run up to the Boys Dormitory then stand in front of the panel that says "Secret."

I put my hand on the panel and it rotates until I see a painting of a young girl.

"Password?" she giggles. In the painting she's riding on a pink pony.

I groan. "Rosiekins with sugar on top."

The panel swings open and I step into the Heads Common Room. It's a small place with a fireplace, a mantel, and two equally squishy armchairs. There's two doors: one for me and one for Lily.

I go into my room and sigh. It's peaceful and quiet. Although I'll miss hearing the chatter of the Marauders at night it'll be nice to have my own room.

It's rather spacious with a four poster bed, a desk, a cupboard, and a bookshelf. All for me.

I decide to talk with Lily. I go out of my room and knock on her door. She opens it and her face hardens. "Hello Potter."

"Hello Lily."

I can tell she's surprised that I called her by her first name. "What do you want?" she asks coldly.

I quickly make something up. "Can I borrow your owl? I don't have one and its almost time for curfew."

She sighs. "Fine. Come in."

I look around. Our furnishings are the same but she's been unpacking. Her cupboard is full of her clothes. A family picture is propped on the desk. She takes out her owl and asks me "Where's the message?"

"Oh," I fumble. "I forgot to write it down. Do you mind if I . . .?"

She sighs and hands me a quill, some ink, and a piece of parchment.

I write down

_Wormtail,_

_I thought I could trust you. You told your friend about Moony's secret! Go back to him and tell him you were kidding or else I'll have you expelled._

_James_

"Who's Moony?"

I realize Lily is standing above me reading the letter.

"Uh, um he i mean she is my . . . mum."

"You call your mum Moony?"

"Yeah! It's because she um, uh she loves the moon."

"Right."

"No really! She sleeps so much because she loves the dark and the moon and yeah," I ramble. Oh gosh. I sound ridiculous.

"Tell me who it is."

"Alright you got me. He's my imaginary friend. I don't tell anyone because it's kind of embarassing."

"Uh-huh. Tell me the truth, Potter."

If I tell her its Remus will it give _it_ away? I don't think so . . .

"It's Remus."

"That's all you had to say, Potter."

"You're not gonna ask me what the secret is?"

"Unlike some people I don't pry into other people's business."

"Uh, you just did."

"Oh confound it Potter! Give me the letter and I'll send it to . . . "

"The Gryffindor Boys Dormitory."

"Now get out."

I sigh. That went well.


	5. Breakfast in bed

Lily's POV

After sending Potter's letter I sit down, hands in my lap. A mix of emotions engulfs me. Confusion, hurt, and pain.

My feelings are coming from a memory. One that I'll never get out of my head. I don't think about it a lot but it always lingers in my mind getting closer and closer with each day.

My world turns black and I grimace as I experience a flashback.

_"Come on Lily! Tuny, you can finish your lunch. I wanna play!"_

_"Coming Rosie!" I say. I can't wait to explore the sunshine with my sisters!_

_We go outside and run around. "I'm gonna catch you!" Rosie shouts. _

_I giggle. "Ahh!" I laugh as Rosie chases me and Tuney._

_"I want a drink," Tuney whines. _

_"Oh fine," I sigh and she walks in. Rosie and I resume our game._

_Suddenly the two of us stop giggling. A large shadow has fallen over the yard. I look around and gasp. A tall young man with a deformed face is standing in front of us, wand pointed at us._

_A blonde man in his twenties asks "Are you sure that they are all mudbloods and muggles?"_

_"For certain," the other man snarls and raises his wand. All three of us are quivering in fear. He suddenly shouts "Avada Kedrava!"_

_The spell is pointed at me but Rosie suddenly falls over in fright; right in the path of the spell._

_"No!" I scream as Rosie falls to the ground, motionless. _

_I run; as fast as I can away from them and suddenly bump into two men in cloaks. Then everything blacks out._

_. . . ._

_I wake up in a hospital room. My parents and Tuney are above me; tears brimming in their eyes. They tell me that well known murderers on the loose took a rest by our home and decided to strike. And then; Rosie's dead. No. No, I can't believe it. Rosie and I have laughed and played together for so long. How could this have happened?_

Sight returns to my eyes and I quickly wipe away a stray tear. I know now that You-Know-Who and one of his followers killed my sister. She must have been a witch too unlike Petunia.

You-Know-Who and his Death Eaters have gone around killing muggleborns and muggles since as long as I can remember. It makes me feel unsecure and on edge when I'm at my house.

I want to get revenge on them someday. They killed my sister. My sweet Rosie! She would have been in fifth year now and probably in Gryffindor.

I walk out of my room and head to the Great Hall for dinner, carefully avoiding Potter. Luckily he's too busy chatting with Sirius to notice me sneak to the Gryffindor table.

Alice Perwett (**Thank you Victoria 3 :D)** greets me while digging in her mashed potatoes. "Eat up before the desserts come," she warns me as she dishes herself a second helping of roast beef.

I sigh and pick at my green beans. I'm not that hungry. Even when my favorite dessert, treacle tart, materializes I don't devour a single morsel.

I'm exhausted. I trudge back to the Heads Common Room then collapse on my bed.

Sunlight streams through the window and I sit up. I check the clock and groan. Classes start in fifteen minutes! My stomach rumbles and I grimace. I slept in; breakfast has just ended. Just as I'm about to shower I see something.

It's a dish with eggs, a small stack of toast, and a slice of pumpkin bread with melted butter. I smile. Alice probably found a way in here and left it for me not wanting to wake me up. I then frown. Knowing Alice, she would wake me up even if she could find a way in here. That's strange.

Oh well. I take a quick shower, brush my hair, eat my breakfast, and hurry off to class. I make it just in time for Potions and begin working.

James's POV

I snuck in early into Lily's room and put the plate on her dresser. Okay, maybe it was a little too major but I know that if Lily doesn't fall in love with me soon my heart will break in two.

I sneak a glance at her in Charms. She looks perfect well fed and happy. She must have discovered the food. But knowing Lily wouldn't she be annoyed that I did it? Then it hits me. Of course. I didn't leave a note. She doesn't know it was me.

She will soon.

Lily's POV

I lean over to Alice after Potions. "Thanks for the breakfast," I compliment. "I loved it."

Alice looks confused. "What do you mean? I didn't see you at breakfast."

"I slept in but you brought me some . . . right?"

"Sorry Lily but no."

Who else would have done it? Then it hits me. Of course. It's Potter. I was a fool to think that someone could sneak inside the Heads Common Room.

I catch him looking at me but instead of glaring at him I realize that maybe its time I show a bit of gratitude. As much as I hate him, that was especially nice of Potter.

I give him a grateful smile and he nods back. Who would have thought? I actually smiled at James Potter. And then thought his first name.


	6. WHY?

**Hello peeps! Sorry it's been so stinkin' long since I updated but sorry! Schoolwork :( Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW I NEED REVIEWS.**

**Yeah, anyway.**

**Here you go.**

James's POV

I'm doing my homework when I hear a sharp rapping at my door. I stand and then open it. No one's standing in the door but a letter is lying underneath the crack. An owl must have dropped it in here.

_James,_

_Can we talk at the Quidditch field tonight at six o clock? I'm not sure why I'm doing this. I just have to know._

_~Lily_

I grin manically. LILY EVANS WANTS TO TALK WITH ME.

It's almost six but before I go out the door I suddenly feel prompted to bring something with me. Something I haven't paid attention to in a long time. I dig underneath my bed and pull out a newspaper clipping.

Then I go.

Lily's POV

James of course, is early. I walk onto the field and stop right in front of him.

"Hello Lily," he says softly.

His hazel eyes bore into mine.

"James, I need to know. Why?"

There's silence.

"Why what?" he asks.

"Hmmm let's think. I'm not sure where to start. Why do you think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world? Why are you trying to win me? Why can't you just leave me alone?"

James just stands there and then looks away. "There's something about you, Lily. Something that I see in myself."

Anger boils inside of me and I start yelling "YOU SEE SOMETHING IN YOU THAT IS IN ME? WE ARE NOTHING ALIKE!"

James backs away. "It's true. It's a mixture of ultimate pain, longing, and sadness. You know what I mean, Lily. You've gone through it. You know what I'm talking about."

I shake my head. "I don't."


End file.
